Man’s best frienemy

Late last night we got a list of 13 concessions from buyer # 6. The option period ends tomorrow. We plan to go back and forth with them today and hopefully this time reach an agreement and sell the house.

Meanwhile, the thought occurred to us that once we do finally sell this house we will need somewhere else to live. While we have thought often of the next place we will buy, we haven’t really hashed out a plan for the interim.

On the one hand we won’t have the money to buy the next place until we sell this place so we’re stuck there. On the other, we can’t just live in a tent for six months. No, really, I tried really hard to sell my partner on that idea and his refrigerated medicines disagreed with my plan.

We decided since we’re about two weeks from moving, we should lay the groundwork for a temporary place until the funds come through for our next permanent place. That spelled apartment to us.

There’s just one little problem: we haven’t found an apartment in the greater Portland area that will take us. Allow me to explain.

[Cue lone violin]

According to every apartment landlord in Portland, these are the faces of terror.


That’s right, folks, don’t be deceived by their furry, innocent appearance. These two top the list of dangerous, banned breeds.

Here they are accosting a street urchin. Because they are hard core thugs.

 Here they are attacking a less dangerous breed. As you can see, it is completely helpless and does not suffer from a predisposition to aggression.

Hide your children! Hide your wives! Heaven forbid they live next door to this!


Clearly these two are cold-blooded killers. Right? They must be. Nevermind that the Doberman has come to work with me where I interact with people with disabilities without incident. Nevermind the countless times we’ve been told “wow, those are the best behaved dogs I’ve ever seen.” Or the fact that study after study has repeatedly proven that no one dog breed is any more likely than another to attack a human.

No! They were born members of forbidden breeds! They are pure evil!

At least that is the idiotic rhetoric of the landlords in Portland (and many other places) that have breed restrictions as part of their pet policies.

If you really believe that a Pit Bull or a German Shepherd is any more likely than a Golden Retriever or a Lab to turn on a person or act aggressively, check out the American Temperament Test Society and have a look at their findings. Every year this research group does a study that tests a collection of dogs from each breed. Their tests are far more humane and thorough, but it is the layman’s equivalent of “how many times can I poke this breed in the eye before I get an aggressive reaction?”

Portland landlords! You should be ashamed of yourselves! Three of the dogs on your restricted breed list have long histories serving in the American Armed Forces and countless domestic police departments. They are not chosen for that work because they are viscous man-killers, but because they are intelligent, obedient, and loyal. They are officials of the state complete with badges. They save lives. They catch bad guys. They warn of danger. They find people stuck under the rubble. They detect undetonated bombs. This is how you thank them for their service to our country and community?! Shame! Shame on you!

Below is a picture of the Military Working Dog Teams National Monument in San Antonio, Tx. It features the four most prominent military dogs since WWII. Notice two of the statues pictured are what Portland landlords consider “aggressive, dangerous breeds.” While our country is honoring and thanking them, our landlords are forbidding them.

statue of soldier and four military dogs

Google images

I tried, but it turns out you can’t fix stupid (I’m looking at you Portland landlords). So, today we are researching other temporary places to live in the greater Portland region that don’t discriminate against veterans or police officers in their selection of tenants. Oh I went there. Bring it! I’ve got a Doberman and Pit Bull mix that will lick your faces right off!

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10 thoughts on “Man’s best frienemy

  1. I feel your pain. I have a pit bull mix and a boxer mix and my wife and I have had to move with them several times and face the suspicious landlord interrogation concerning their breed type. We got around it by telling them our dogs our mixed breed or mutts (which technically isn’t untrue anyways). They don’t question further if you claim you don’t know your dog’s breed (which also isn’t untrue since we don’t really know where they came from). You might try that tactic. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s what we’ve done with the Pit Bull. She’s a pit mix we adopted from a shelter, so when people press us, we just say she’s a rescue mix. A few people have asked us if the Doberman is a Great Dane. We thought about trying to pass him as a Great Dane but all of the vaccination records we have to show say Doberman. Nuts!

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  2. look at getting them certified therapy dogs. Its a law it a lot of places that dogs can not be turned away from any apartment if they are therapy dogs.

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    • Great thought, but unfortunately we’ve looked into that and it’s a no go. The law says you are allowed up to one service animal (separate from therapy animal). The service animal has to perform a task related to helping someone with a disability. My understanding is that therapy animals are those that go somewhere to help (like visit a children’s ward in a hospital) whereas service dogs live with and travel with people with disabilities. A landlord has to allow one service animal, but not therapy animals. Plus if the landlord sees us leaving without the dog (like going to work) we’re busted. It was worth looking into, but I’m not sure we could pull it off.

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